I was writing to old friends last night. The ones which help me come up with all the crazy ideas that keep my soul alive. I miss them.
And I said... I am going to get out of here, as soon as I can. I am going to go do and be everything that I can possibly be. I am going to see the sights and do all the things that people learn they cannot do when they go to university.
I've thought for a long time that university was a place where minds were fed, and they grew into beautiful things with more knowledge and inspiration and even more ambitions and ideas and dreams than they went in with. For a select few people I believe this to be true, but actually for the most part, it's not. It's like shovelling carbon down a big empty hole and expecting it to turn into diamonds. It doesn't. People learn to meet deadlines, get their placements with the big companies, so that with that work experience tucked under their belts they can get to work sooner, better, more, more, more. They get better jobs so that they can get better jobs.
When we were younger we all still wanted to be vets and rock stars and professional footballers and teachers. I wanted to be a vet for a long time. The people who asked and got this answer from me would express a silent sort of "yeah right", not knowing I could tell that's what they thought and that I made a silent mental reply "I can do it. You think that's a hollow dream of mine, but even if I change my mind for now that is what I want to do. I know it is hard work and a long way away, but if I want to do it then I will do it." We all wanted to be the things that interested and excited us. The last time I went to a careers councillor, at least four years ago, when asked I replied that I would like to be either a clown or a particle physicist (I think), and I wasn't being deliberately facetious, that is what I wanted to do.
I can't help feeling that now most people, at least in my subject area, just dive into the leaflet pile and be the investment banker who received the most bribery to get there. I once glanced at that pile and saw a leaflet from AWE (the Atomic Weapons Establishment). Come work for us, they said, we're important for protecting Britain. We build and test, we have the opportunities, we'll give you bonuses, we're a worthy cause, we provide the deterrent capabilities for our country. But is this really what we wanted to do when we were children? Help make things that kill people?
It always seems like the easy option. People think they cannot be what they always wanted to be, so they convince themselves it was for certain a foolish, unattainable idea, and they set their heads down on the career path. I don't want to do that, I want to do something different.
No, I'm not being naive. I know success depends on effort, and I try hard. But that goes for the path to becoming a rock star just the same as it goes for the path to becoming an investment banker. But not everyone can live with their head in the clouds, you might say, people need to keep the cogs turning. The bankers need to bank. AWE needs to make the weapons to protect us. These things need to be done. Maybe, but if more people thought how they did when they were children perhaps more people would be inventors, creating more effective solutions for the future. Perhaps people would put their minds to diplomacy instead of organised destruction.
And maybe it's just a childish Utopian idea that wouldn't work in a million years, but that's only because not in a million years would people change the way they think. Until everyone thinks that way there will always be an undercurrent of people doing the usual thing that people wanting to do the excellent things will have to surf. For me, surf's up.
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
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